That Girl Site

Two things:

1. Hot corn.

2. Butt.

That out of the way, on to the bigger story: Jessica Simpson would be nestled up against an Oscar right now if her jerk-off dad hadn’t gotten in the way of the role of a lifetime. People magazine reports

“The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star,” Jessica’s father and manager, Joe Simpson, [said] at Thursday’s ABC Television Critics Association party. “We were promised we would win an Oscar with that… I was like, ‘Eh, we’ll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.’”

Because if anybody’s going to be seeing Jessica Simpson naked and taking two wieners at once, it’s going to be Joe, goddammit, and one of those wieners is going to damn well be his. You can tell by all the “we” talk he’s working there. Only stage mothers at “Little Miss” pageants and incestual ex-preachers talk like that. Or sometimes crazy people speaking to their reflections about their plans to take over the world. But I’m not crazy. Since changing my meds, it’s mostly just “My, we look pretty today, don’t we?” or “Tricksy hobbitses stole it from us. My precioussss!” and a lot of raw-fish eating.

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