Her hair ain’t that good

May 21st, 2009

jahb

Jennifer Aniston is kind of insane. And she’s really "polar bear diving crazy" when it comes to her hair. A couple of months ago, there was a rumor that Jenny made FOX pay almost $80,000 to fly her hairslave, Chris McMillan, to Europe where she was promoting that dead dog movie. Well, when it came time to shoot Management, Maddox’s greatest rival wanted to go for a homelier look (all together now…HA!), but didn’t want to touch her precious locks. So Jenny got Chris to customize a wig. The total price came to (read this in a Kanye CAPS-LOCK scream) $10,000!!!11!!1!!!!!!!!!! For fucking real! Someone got tricked! The kitchen ass wig laying at the bottom of my closet from ten Halloweens ago (I was Mimi from the Heartbreaker video. DON’T ASK) looks better than that!

The hairstylist on the film told People, “She wanted to look very different, but didn’t want to cut or dye her hair. The color was very complimentary on her. She’s got wonderful warm skin. With that blond hair, she’s very known as Jennifer Aniston and I think sometimes that takes away from watching the story."

Yeah, um, that bitch still looks like Rachel from Friends. Even if they put a $10,000 wig on her chin, she’d still look like Jennifer Aniston. WIG FAIL.

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Jennifer had pet name for John Mayer

March 19th, 2009

jahb

John Mayer is reportedly in negotiations to write a tell-all book about his relationship with actress(?) Jennifer Aniston. Guess what name she called him in bed? Oh, I know! I couldn’t believe it either. Star Magazine reports:

"John just can’t keep his mouth shut," a pal tells Star, "and he’s telling friends that he’s thinking of going public with all their juicy secrets." So just what embarrassing info could John reveal? Well the fella who held an impromptu press conference on a New York City street the first time they split has a lot to say, as we detail in in our magazine. For one, Jen made a slip of the tongue calling John "Brad"… while they were in bed! He also knows all about her obsessive exercise regime, embarrassing TV viewing habits, devotion to astrology and numerology and has witnessed the actress throw fits! Then there’s the whole thing about their sex play…

I realize this story is coming from Star, but seriously, is there anybody out there who doesn’t believe this is 100% true? If you’re one of those people, sorry. You’re kind of an idiot. This chick can’t sit down for an interview without without mentioning Brad Pitt so of course she’s gonna pretend Brad still wants to have sex with her. I hate to break the news, but he doesn’t. He really, really doesn’t. Seriously, let that marinate. Because, well sweetie, shark attack victims have a faster recovery time than you.

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